I have a confession: My husband is a gamer. Although this is no secret, I set it up like this because I notice I am confronted by an onslaught of judgement, preconceptions and assumptions when I describe him in this light. It seems clear to me, gaming is still not socially acceptable. There are a lot of nerd categories and people who embrace geekiness to some degree (I, for one, am a self-proclaimed literary nerd). In many ways nerdiness is the new cool. After all, The Big Bang Theory is one of the top rated shows on television. What makes it even more comedic is if you actually know what the characters are referring to.
However, the other day I read a blog about how to quit gaming forever. The blog was written by someone who had fallen out of balance and was gaming sixteen hours a day…every day. There is a line and if crossed over ends up in the territory of gaming addiction which is a whole other topic completely. So, I posed the question, should someone who does not let gaming distract from their real world lives quit? The article made it seem like gaming was not a desirable way to spend one’s time, ever. The response to my question astounded me. The response was that if you are spending your time gaming then you are not spending your time growing. I figured this statement would open a whole new can of worms (to use the old cliché).
My first question was, what if I were reading a book (which society deems a commendable way to spend time) that did not have very good literary content and was purely entertainment? I do not grow from it. The book was not life-altering in any way. I merely enjoyed it. Would that mean that I wasted my time, because I didn’t grow? What about movies? There are the educational kind for sure, but what about the Thor movies, or Transformers? I didn’t grow from those movies, so are they not valuable because they are purely hedonistic? This lead me to a different question altogether: Is it natural to grow all the time?
The tulip has a winter. It does not grow 365 days a year.
I, personally, think I would cave in on myself if I did not just do stuff for pleasure as opposed to growth. I need the down time. Like, the tulip, if I do not take the time for hibernation and “non-growth” I would not have the strength to grow.
The blog did have some eye-opening breakdown as to why people game. Games give you constant measurable growth and they are social at the same time. I would be lying if I told you that my husband and I had never argued about gaming. It is a life I never understood. It was my lack of understanding that caused the arguments, not the gaming itself. I also had to come to terms with the fact that I did not put any value in gaming. I had many arguments with myself about why I thought this. Why, if he were spending his time reading a book would I appreciate it more that hearing the incessant click of a keyboard? After reading that blog I understood the attraction and it actually made me feel more accepting of gaming in general.
Today I went into a “nerd store” so my husband could buy a new monitor for his computer. A guy that worked there got onto the topic of gaming with my husband and we then got into a conversation about how it is not socially acceptable, but on its way. He told me he knew guys who were addicted. One guy (weighing in at 400 pounds) played so long that he ended up with a blood clot that almost killed him. After that he changed his life. He was working in the same store, and I saw him. I would have never guessed he had once been overweight. This particular guy still games, but it is now in moderation. I believe that is the message. Everyone has their reasons for doing things, but balance is key.
I don’t agree that my husband should quit gaming because he does not grow when he gets in front of the screen. The down time gives him a break. He is a better husband for it. I do not have the right to judge. After reading that blog, my judgments are off the table.
Prairie Girl Yoga 
Our society is quick to say that pleasure and growth are mutually exclusive. How can we grow and have fun at the same time? The real question is: How can we not? We used to learn exclusively through play when we were young, but adults are supposed to be serious. Maybe gamers are growing, but our culture minimizes growth that happens through non-traditional venues.
Lots to think about, Great Post Sam! 🙂
Geneva, I think you are absolutely right! Perhaps we even grow more than we thought through play. Seriousness is overrated, and too much of it dries up the soul.
Thank you for your enlightening comment!
xo
Sam
Sam. This is a great post. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I for one, don’t really understand the gaming urge. I play, but I always feel so disconnected from the world when I’m doing it. I, just like you, would rather read a book. That’s my downtime. I think that what this world lacks is an understanding of why people do what they do in their downtime. We’re all different people. We all have a right to do what we want. Why judge. Like you said, the key is balance. Anything can be harmful if it isn’t played, eaten, done in moderation.
Geneva is right. In my classroom, my students learned best when we did something through play or fun. Learning and growth is not only occurring when we are focusing on it. The best learning and growth occurs when we have fun. We only have to look at our children to see this. When Elias plays with the mega blocs, he is having fun, but he is also growing and learning important skills and concepts!
Plus, who says we have to focus on growth every second of the day? At the end of my life, I hope that I can say that my life was fun!
Hey Sam. Interesting post.
I don’t agree with the parallel between reading a book and gaming, because by reading a book, even for the mere entertainment value, also brings many positive side-effects. Reading a book will help your writing and how you articulate the words you say. It will expand your imagination. I view reading as a tool to grow the most important thing we have: our brain.
I can’t say video games does the same. That isn’t to say there are no benefits to playing video games – which I can attest to having played them to the absolute extremes you can – however I don’t think the “majority” of the time people spend playing video games is time well spent.
Geneva said: “Maybe gamers are growing, but our culture minimizes growth that happens through non-traditional venues.”
So the question I would pose is this: What growth happens while playing video games? I can’t say there is very much.
Now another question you’ve posed is whether or not people should grow all the time. “The tulip has a winter. It does not grow 365 days a year.”
The answer to this question is relative to what the individual wants. If the tulip wants to stay a tulip, then it can have it’s winter. If the tulip wants to expand and evolve past it’s current state, then maybe that winter isn’t the best idea. What I am personally interested in is growing. And I agree with Geneva that you can grow and have fun at the same time. Not only do I agree, but I think it’s essential. Growth needs to be fun, not a chore.
So now it comes down to spending your time doing things you enjoy (fun) that also double to help you grow. The reason I don’t play video games anymore is because I identified the reasons why I played those games; temporary escape, constant measurable growth, a challenge, and being social, and found an activity (or activities) that accomplishes the same and more. For me it’s DJing. For someone else it may be Photography. Or working towards the career you actually want. The time I would have spent playing video games in my current life is spent instead on DJing, which, among other things, allows me to escape and get the down time every person needs.
Could playing video games be a passion for someone? Absolutely. But in my opinion, many people who play video games use “passion” as justification to continue procrastinating on going after what they really want in life. I’ve been there and seen many of my friends do the same. A core belief I have is that how someone spends their free time says a lot about them. There are only 24 hours in a day, and after all of your responsibilities, there are very few hours left in the day. This is the free time you have. As free time you can choose to do ANYTHING. So what you do in this time does show a lot.
Now don’t get me wrong, if someone decides they want to play video games, that’s their choice and one they have every right to make. It’s not up to me to decide what someone should or shouldn’t do. What someone does with their free time makes no difference to me. I’m not judging them as less of a person because of it. We just have different interests, desires, passions. We have different goals, different things in common. It’s all good in the hood.
Hey Cam,
I noticed several things in your comment. First off, I see a black and white approach and secondly, I see a contradiction in your final paragraph. I do not agree that video games do not constitute growth. Studies have shown that gamers have better hand-eye coordination, and they are more apt to multitask. An experiment was done where 5 dots were placed on a screen. A person who didn’t game only acknowledged two of them. A person who did acknowledged four. To me, that says that gamers are very aware of acute details. A skill that was honed through spending one’s free time gaming. Everything you mentioned (temporary escape, constant measurable growth, a challenge and socializing) sounds like there are no cons. In fact, now that you say that gaming is all of the above, I may check it out myself. lol. All kiddings aside, I do not see a downside to gaming from what you say.
You are free to think that gaming is not “time well spent” that is your prerogative. However, your comments suggest that it is not time well spent for anyone. Personally, I do not think that is a judgement you or I should be allowed to make. Which leads me to question why a tulip is not okay being a tulip. You phrase it in such a way that makes it seem like a person is not willing to expand or evolve if they take some down time. Although you do say that down time is okay, but you are willing to judge them depending on what they do in that time: DJing=good, Video games=bad. I tell you this, everyone grows and evolves no matter what. We all have our lessons and sometimes they smack us in the face, other times they whisper in our sleep. Procrastinators have something to learn from procrastinating and perhaps they will go on to be hugely successful after the lesson is learned. I cannot make that call for them. Believe me I used to try.
What I see in you is someone who sees the potential in people and you are going about it in ways that I may or may not agree with to get them to live up to that potential. Seeing the potential in people is a great quality. Trying to get them to live up to it your way is not. I used to do this and I had to learn the hard way to let people live the way they want to on their own without my input.
That being said, your final paragraph flies in the face of everything you said before it. If you actually believed that it doesn’t matter to you what people do, you wouldn’t have spend a lot of time on the comments above. Just an observation. As you say, “it’s all good in the hood.”
xo
Sam
Thing is… you get disconnected from the real world. If you have fun doing something productive as in going to the gym or going camping with your friends for example. You grow as a person and a individual. I can admit that I have played games to the extreme, and it has not given me anything (maybe a better grasp of the english language and a better strategic mind). But having growth in yourself while playing a game, no. Not at all.
I am so much more of a person now, when I have quit gaming. I really feel like I have all the time in the world to do better things for myself now.
Thank you for the comment, David. I still stand by the philosophy that everything needs to be taken in moderation. Any addiction or overindulgence can rob someone of their individuality. It’s all about balance. I don’t play games, but there are other things in my life I have to keep in check (Starbucks, for instance ha ha). I watch my husband game, I watch him with our family and I watch him reach his fitness goals. Everything in his life is balanced which is why it doesn’t affect him as a person. Quitting gaming can be good if that is what the individual needs. However, to generalize and say that nobody grows as a person by gaming is dangerous territory. I believe it is entirely up to the person to decide whether gaming is helping their growth or not.